25
Aug
09

Soapy

In a slightly better frame of mind today to discuss the latest ep of “My Antonio.”

JulannOne reason for its exceptionally high drama quotient may be the fact that Antonio is used to starring in a soap and thus expects absurd-yet-passionate declarations, delusional characters and generally crazy behavior. Another is that VH1 realizes it has to keep upping the ante on these shows, which it churns out like Firefox upgrades. And so, we have — or had — the tightly wound, crazy-eyed (casting for these shows must always include at least one contestant with a demonic stare) Julann, whose prima donna pronouncements and perceived slights were getting on everyone’s nerves. When Antonio expressed concern for the missing, certifiably insane Sarah over Julann after the two ladies had a tiff, Julann announced her intention to jump ship because Antonio “just doesn’t get it.” He talked her into staying, but wound up cutting her at elimination because she insisted on reiterating her stance (he doesn’t get it). Too bad, because she was pretty amazing in her hifalutin’ self-righteousness.

The other big drama of the evening was Antonio’s ex-wife, Tully, the show’s castaway (we’re supposed to believe) who wants to win him back even tullythough she was apparently the one who broke his heart many years ago when they were young (or at east he was) and foolhardy. Despite his warning that their reunion would be a longshot — among other things, Mama Yvonne clearly disapproves, Tully’s here to stay. It’s hard for her, though, as “I don’t open up this easily,” she notes tearfully. Right. Anyway, the other contestants think she’s a spy — maybe Antonio’s sister — and of course they’re forbidden to use the Internet so they can’t look her up on Wikipedia. She has a lot to prove.

There was also a hypnotist, which was pretty silly, but served as the requisite humiliation for this episode. And why are the contestants open to any and all forms of humiliation aside from the fact that it’s in their contract? Because it proves that they’re there for Antonio. This is the ongoing theme of all the VH1 reality dating shows. Contestants are constantly declaring “I’m here for you” or protesting that someone else “isn’t really here for you” to the show’s star. How they can say it without cracking up is beyond me. How I continue to watch this stuff is also beyond me…

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