Debbie Downer

Because 1) I’m no quitter, and 2) I’m sort of fascinated by the show, I am once again writing about My Antonio. After viewing the third episode, I pose the question: Why is this show on VH1? Why not SOAPnet or at least Lifetime? It seems VH1 is scaling down the usual gleeful messiness and general winking irony for this one. Not really asking us to be in on the joke (there may not even be a joke!).  Even the music sounds sincere. It’s unsettling, but I guess it has to do with expanding the market. The show’s built-in demographic is obviously Antonio fans. Who are probably serious as hell about all this.

Teary TullyAnyway, poor, delusional ex-wife Tully was in tears for 98% of the show, which prompted one girl to dub her Debbie Downer. Tully’s like that needy friend or relative who has to be the center of attention all the time or she’ll create a drama. Or just start crying. Having said that, things are certainly not easy for her. First Mama Yvonne (whose face does not move when she speaks) tells her, “You’re old news; you make us all miserable” (harsh!), then Antonio repeatedly asks, “What are you doing here?” every time he sees her which can’t feel good.

But she’s like a Timex watch or Godzilla and just won’t quit. Most audaciously, she crashes Antonio and Christy’s romantic one-on-one yacht date — which up to that point had been accompanied by a saccharine string score — by chasing them on a jetski and sneaking on board, like some kind of deranged James Bond villain. Sad.

Both Christy and Tania won private dates by writing the best love letters to Antonio. Feather penThe writing implements used by the women for this challenge were brightly colored pens with feather plumes on the ends. I had one of those when I was eight. Embarrassingly schmaltzy sentiments were expressed, but Antonio was very moved by some of them. And to be honest, Tania’s was OK; even original.

Not too high a humiliation factor tonight, as Antonio made the women work out with him in various torturous ways in order to show off his physique. OK, we get it: you’re fit.

Yvonne smilingAnyway, Tully wasn’t eliminated, which reduced her to tears for the 80th time this episode. She later tried to apologize for her past sins to Yvonne who wasn’t having it. Then Yvonne took Christy aside to ask, “If I asked you to get rid of Tully, would you do that?” (Yes, in an earlier post, I thought she was asking the enhanced Playmate to get rid of her boobs, sigh.) Christy sure would. And then we see her cozying up to Tully and clearly working as a spy in next week’s highlights. Disappointing. I thought maybe Yvonne was ordering a gangland-style hit.


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